Saying no to family, especially during the holidays or in emotionally charged situations, can be difficult, yet it’s important to do so in a way that allows you to respect yourself. Here are some tips on how to say no in a way your family can hear:
1. Be Clear and Direct:
The direct approach leaves little room for confusion. Politely and firmly state, “I appreciate the invitation, unfortunately, that doesn’t work for me.”
You don’t owe anyone explanations or reasons. Use the magic words: That Doesn’t Work For Me. You might have to say it more than one time yet stay firm because the truth is, it doesn’t work for you!
2. When a Little Family Goes A Long Way:
If you want to maintain a connection but don’t want to get stuck with the family drama, you can say, “I love to catch up with you for coffee next week and you can tell me all about this event.”
Or,
“I’m so glad you thought of me, unfortunately, that doesn’t work for me this December. What if we schedule something in the New Year?”
Find ways that do work for you:
Invite them to your children’s school plays.
Drop off a plate of freshly baked cookies (from the bakery) on a day you have another obligation. You can say, “I was on my way to so and so’s and was thinking of you.”
Ask them to join you at the movies or a theater and purchase the tickets as their gift.
If you don’t want to maintain a connection, get support from friends or even a hypnotist. You don’t have to do anything you truly don’t want to do, and you need to stop feeling guilty when you choose something that works for you.
3. What About The Guilt Trip?
If your family insists or guilt-trips you by making you wrong, agree. That sounds counterintuitive yet it isn’t. Just say, “You’re right, I’m wrong.”Â
The willingness to be wrong is a way to eliminate the conflict in your life. This is the ultimate Access Consciousness tool to give yourself the freedom to be who you are without going into judgment of them or you.Â
If you say to someone, “I’m sorry, you’re right, I’m wrong,” after three times of saying it they will go, “No, you are not wrong, you are just mistaken.”
You can’t say “You’re right, I’m wrong” with sarcasm. You have to say it with sincerity – with the awareness that you are wrong (in their eyes).
Just because someone thinks you are wrong doesn’t make you wrong!
Would you rather be right and maintain conflict or wrong in their eyes and get to do what you need to create a healthy life for yourself?
We spend a lot of time trying to make ourselves right in the eyes of our family.
What if you were right and they were right?
Both parties can be right if you say, “You’re right, I’m wrong.”Â
Remember, you’re not responsible for other people’s reactions to your decisions. Saying no is a healthy and necessary practice for maintaining your own well-being, and it’s okay to assert those boundaries with your family.
Should you struggle with boundaries you can make an appointment. We can work through the limiting beliefs that keep us from speaking up, people pleasing, fear of conflict, low self-esteem, or the feeling of over-responsibility.
